So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
