My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
