dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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