it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Randomize
