I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize