Buhtt sex?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
