Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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