Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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