You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
