He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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