u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
