so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
