I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize