you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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