Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
