And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
not ubering you a puppy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
