It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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