i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
