Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize