i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
