Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
