How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
