i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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