I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In America we eat man semen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i now understand why vodka
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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