nut hugger
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
