and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
