Soap is not a condiment
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
