if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize