Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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