I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
