I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
