dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
