did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
