is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
