when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
