Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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