Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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