I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
