Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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