Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
