i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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