I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The air was thick with penises
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
