with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
