So drunk its hurt
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
