Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh god the rape fog is back!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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