Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize