Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
