I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
