When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He felt like a one man threesome
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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