I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
