I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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