im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
