So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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