I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
either way he was missing a nipple.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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