he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
