theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
