I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
