She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
