I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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