I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
