like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
