a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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