Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
