i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
