Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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