is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
