Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
3 2 1 whiskey
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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