Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
