I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
