5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
