I feel great
I just peed on a car
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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