I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
