I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
